the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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