I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
