we need to drink 2009 down the drain
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
