WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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