every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
