he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
