Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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