you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
