also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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