dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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