I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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