We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I don't deserve a penis
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize