im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
