am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
