I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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