overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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