Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
