Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
