So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
