Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize