my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
