I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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