I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
