Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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