No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
