I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize