It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
false alarm, still single
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
