Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
