I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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