A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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