At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
