Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
