the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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