Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You were trust falling into bushes
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
