i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
