dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
