i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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