Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize