I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
