I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
