I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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