Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
