Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
