sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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