Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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