I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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