Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize