as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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