I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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