I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
