No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
