I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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