Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
