The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
