I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
