Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
