Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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