Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
