bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
