Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
