i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
