3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
one might say we're banned from that church
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She told me I should be a condom model.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
