You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
